


For Mark: From Sam

by rebeccade



Category: The AM Archives (Podcast), The Bright Sessions (Podcast), The College Tapes (Podcast)
Genre: Closure, F/M, Feelings, Found Footage, Healing, POV First Person, Sam goes back to the sheep meadow, Time Travel, What Sam has been up to during TCT, World Travel, and records a message for Mark
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-22
Updated: 2020-12-22
Packaged: 2021-03-11 02:00:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,357
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28237332
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rebeccade/pseuds/rebeccade
Summary: "Hi Mark, It’s me. Sam. *deep breath* I don’t really know why I’m doing this."During her world travels Sam finds herself near the sheep meadow and records a message for Mark.
Relationships: Samantha Barnes/Mark Bryant
Comments: 4
Kudos: 4





	For Mark: From Sam

**Author's Note:**

> Listening to The College Tapes I started wondering what Sam has been up to on her journey! What if she went back to the sheep meadow?

Hi Mark, It’s me. Sam. *deep breath* I don’t really know why I’m doing this. The last time I recorded something for you, was… what? four years ago? And, I mean, things were SO different then. I was traveling farther away from home than I’ve ever been, you were so far away, and we weren’t together yet. And now… *laughs* well I guess I’m still traveling farther away from home than I’d ever been, you’re still far away, and we aren’t together. Again. But… everything else, things are so different now. We aren’t together but… you’re ok, I’m ok. This trip feels so different because, this time, I feel ready. To see the world on my terms. Not because I didn’t have a choice, not to rescue anybody, not for anyone else. I’m here because, it’s what I wanted. 

And, Mark… it’s been really great. I’ve traveled so much that I figured that actually going to places would be a bit of a let down, but, it’s so much better than I thought it would be. Everything feels so much more… alive. And this time I can talk to people, interact with my surroundings. I didn’t think that would matter so much but, it… it’s indescribably wonderful. 

Like when I was in Madrid, I helped this tourist couple who got lost looking for El Prado Museum and they were so grateful they insisted on paying for my ticket and we spent hours in the museum together looking at the galleries and talking about history. And when I was in Paris I discovered this amazing bakery that I would go to every day and I got to know the owner; he’s been making baguettes there every day for forty years! We’d have these long conversations about literature and science fiction, and he always gave me the extra bread that hadn’t sold by the end of the day. And In Italy there was this little girl who lived across the street from my hostel. She loved art and she always wanted to show me her drawings, she reminded me of Chloe a little bit. 

It’s all been, so surprising and wonderful. I don’t know why, but something about traveling on my own... no one knows me here. It’s making me feel like I can be someone who’s a little braver than my normal self. I know you’d say I’ve always been brave… and maybe you’re right, maybe that’s what this trip is showing me.

And anyway, that’s part of why I’m recording this. I’d been making my way across Europe when, I was suddenly filled with this, overwhelming feeling. That I needed to come here. To England. I wanted to see it. The sheep meadow. I stayed the night at a hotel in the town a half mile away and now, I’m going to go look for it. 

Well, anyway that’s the idea but now that I’m here, about to walk out the door to find a place that I last saw over 200 years ago in the past, I’m suddenly feeling a bit unsure of myself. I mean, why am I doing this? What do I think I’m going to find? I don’t know. Anyway, talking to you always makes me feel better, and I don’t know, this just feels like something I don’t want to do alone. This way, it’s sort of like we’re going back together.

Ok, so I’m going to do it, I’m going to walk through this hotel door. One, two… okay, I am out the door. It should be just a ten minute walk down this road. 

I suddenly realize I have no idea what to expect. I mean, will it still look the same? Or what if it’s a parking lot now or a gas station? Will I still know that I’m in the right spot? Something tells me that I will, that I’ll just be able to feel it. To feel you. To feel the memory of us.

The time we spent there… it feels like a lifetime ago. But at the same time, it’s always so present in my mind. It was the first time I felt, actually alive. And as much as has happened since, something like that, it stays with you.

Do you still think about it a lot? The time that we spent together there? I do. What was your favorite part? Let me guess, probably the singing. I was always so excited to memorize new songs and sing them for you when I came. *laugh* I took it so seriously, I mean, to be able to do something, anything, to make you feel less alone, felt like the most important thing in the universe. And then, watching the joy on your face when you heard a new song by Carly Rae Jepsen or Paolo… that was pretty great. 

But, for me, it was the stars. It will always be the stars. Lying there, looking out into the universe with you. That was always my favorite part.

You know, that time, the time we spent together, I think that’s as close to perfect as I will ever get in my life. When I think about everything that’s happened since, it’s really been a mixed bag. There’s been a lot of wonderful, but also a lot of terrible. But I don’t think about 1810 like that. That was just... Our time out of time. Our perfect little place. 

You know, there are days when I wake up and I can’t believe that something that incredible actually happened. But it did happen, you happened. I found you, I saved you. And you saved me. Maybe that’s the reason I’m going back. To prove that it was real? Like, if that space exists now, it existed then? I’m not really sure. I just know I need to go. To see what’s there.

Okay, I’m getting pretty close now, if I’m remembering right it should just be around this bend, and, Mark, my heart is pounding so hard right now what if I got it wrong, and this isn’t where-

-It’s here. This is the spot. I know it is. 

-  
-  
-

Sorry for the silence, I just- I really couldn’t speak for a moment there.

Um, it looks different now, in case you’re wondering about that. But… not in a bad way. It’s more crowded now, but there’s still a lot of green. And the sky is blue. If I lay down here on a clear night, I bet I could still see the stars. And there’s this giant oak tree? It seems so familiar, I’m walking over to it now. 

Mark, I think it might have been here 200 years ago. Hold on, let me see, if I sit down at the foot, yes I’m almost sure of it. This is where we sat the very first time we talked. That was the conversation when I first told you about myself, that I was a time traveler… *rueful laugh* and when I didn’t tell you that I knew your sister, so I guess it was also the first time I lied to you...

If I close my eyes, I can almost see it again. *laugh* wow, yep, there you are. You know, from the moment I met you I felt so close to you... and so far away at the same time.

Mark *deep breath* I know the past few years have been hard. We haven’t always agreed. We both made mistakes. I know... it didn’t work out between us. I’m still fighting my demons, I know that you’re still fighting yours. But- I need you to know how much I love you. You changed my life. You made me the kind of person who travels to an oak tree a continent away from home. I’m always going to be thinking about you, I’m always going to be carrying you with me. 

Sitting here, at the foot of this oak tree, I feel, so peaceful. That’s why I wanted to come here. For both of us. Maybe I can carry a little bit of this peace with me, back to you.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading!
> 
> Special thanks to Mary O (maryogoround) - our conversations about The Bright Sessions were the inspiration for this fic!


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